I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
True strength comes from lack of pants
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
