Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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