I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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