Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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