my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
