she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
