im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
