phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
