you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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