he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
