Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just had sex bonerless
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
