a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
