Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
