When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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