why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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