I hate all girls vehemently.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
