I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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