Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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