Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had to cum in my sink.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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