I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
