My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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