You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
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You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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