I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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