areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
