She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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