i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
