I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
