We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She bit a glass in half.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
