the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
