He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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