i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
