I'm so fucking centered right now
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
