Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
