i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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