you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
