when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
