ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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