So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize