I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
