Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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