Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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