That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What a dumb baby whore.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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