Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
