At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
