Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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