my vag is so smooth its legendary
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
