He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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