life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize