Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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