I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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