And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
