dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
