I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
