Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
