i can't believe i had my finger in that
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
