I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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