hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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