just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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