epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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