"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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