i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
