please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize