You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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