Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
