highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
