im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
