You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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