Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
zippers are such a cool invention
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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