Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
