I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
