PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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