Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
