time to smoke my breakfast
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
