its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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