What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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