You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
