i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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