the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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