Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
